ADHD and external validation: Why praise matters so much
It's only Tuesday, but the same theme has already come up in three of my coaching sessions this week: external validation.
One client, while exploring the conditions needed to do his best work, had a revelation: "I am really, really motivated by praise from my manager. It's my main motivator at work." As someone with ADHD and an ADHD coach, I hear this frequently from clients, and I deeply resonate with it myself.
Why external validation is extra motivating for ADHDers
Research can explain why people with ADHD respond so strongly to external praise. We typically have lower baseline dopamine levels in our brains (Volkow et al., 2009). Praise from another person provides an immediate dopamine release that naturally boosts our motivation (Schultz, 2013; Li et al., 2016). This makes praise effective at helping us overcome common ADHD executive function challenges.
While external validation can boost performance, it plays a more complex role when it comes to motivation. In our coaching practice, I see this play out in several ways.
Over-reliance
Sometimes, external validation becomes a crutch - the only thing that keeps us going when the work itself doesn’t naturally engage us. Take the example of a professional who realizes that her manager's praise is her main motivator in an unfulfilling role. While this might seem to work in the short term, it isn’t a reliable source of motivation as it’s out of her control. It’s a signal to find alternative work that sparks her genuine interest, which in turn creates natural, intrinsic motivation.
People-pleasing
For others, the pursuit of praise can end up overriding personal boundaries. Consider the case of a high-performing team leader who’s recently returned from maternity leave, working reduced hours so she has time to take care of her two young kids. Despite this, she finds herself taking on extra work. Why? She is fearful that her co-workers see her as not pulling her weight, despite her stellar track record.
Perfectionism
I’ve observed that pursuing external validation can also create a complex performance cycle. Imagine an HR specialist who wants to be seen as the expert at work. She pushes herself to spend excessive amounts of time perfecting her deliverables. While this has led to impressive achievements and recognition, she’s begun to question herself: “Can I sustainably keep up these intense work patterns? And is my motivation authentic?”
In coaching, we explore how to maintain a more sustainable balance. This doesn’t mean we ignore praise - we can still leverage external validation where it serves us. At the same time, we build other sources of motivation that come from within and align with our boundaries, values and interests.
How does this show up in your work life? Grab your journal and consider:
When do you feel most energized by feedback at work? What types of recognition truly motivate you?
How might you create more opportunities for meaningful feedback in your current role?
What's the difference between feedback that energizes you versus feedback that triggers perfectionist or people-pleasing tendencies?
What would motivate you to do this work even without external recognition?
While we've focused on workplace examples, these patterns often show up in other areas of life too. Feel free to apply these questions to your personal life or relationships.
Want to explore how these patterns show up in your life? Our team of qualified ADHD coaches specializes in helping clients discover and leverage their motivational patterns to get things done more easily. Book a Discovery Session at this link to meet with a coach and learn more about working with us.
